So I Must Talk About The Bachelorette

I'm kind of lacking in blogspiration today, so I'm just gonna give in to the fact that I kiiiiinda want to blog about last night's Bachelorette.

Frank, I'm gonna be frank (har har): your intensity is only proving my theory that you're gonna pull a fast one on Ali. Further proof? Well, you know, just ABC giving the whole thing away in the previews after last night's episode. Bad move, ABC. Bad. Move.

Roberto. Oh, Roberto. You can do no wrong, and after last night, apparently neither can your body. I have the same name as the woman you're wooing and I spell it the same way too (not to mention I'm also blonde with freckles), so if you want, feel free to leave her, get your tight little tush over here and teach me how to Flamenco dance. Or drink wine with me, then teach me how to Flamenco dance, as I'm sure I will be more willing to learn after a few glasses.

Okay, Chris L. (though why you're still referred to as Chris L. is beyond me, since you're now the only Chris left on the show), listen. You're exactly my type. Roberto's everyone's type, which is why I propositioned him moments ago. But you, sir, are my type. Not Ali's type, my type. I see why that last sentence might have been a bit confusing, but trust me, okay?

Hey Kirk. You're cute and all (and earned major points with my sister and I when you put a sick Ali to bed), but you kind of remind me of a boy at the ripe old age of 8. I can't exactly put my finger on why; perhaps it's your small stature, which I witnessed last night when you were oil wrestling. Or it could be your looks. Or it could be nothing but my weird taste. However, I know you mean well, but I have this sneaking suspicion you're not gonna be around much longer. My condolences in advance, Kirk. Truly.

Alright, so maybe this wasn't a recap of last night's episode so much as it was my feelings for the remaining men (minus Ty because he just doesn't do it for me).

Notes:
-Justin, to quote Khloe Kardashian, you're a douche lord. Whether or not you're a douche lord on camera or in real life, I don't know. But you were one last night. Enjoy your no longer existing wrestling career due to the fact that you acted like a cowardly gimp with no wallet last night.
-Craig, I felt bad for you. If I gave you a penny for every time I said out loud that you are "such a nice guy," you'd be a rich man. A rich man who can't read female signals, but a rich man nevertheless.
-I want to go to Turkey.
-Was putting the guys up in a Hyatt the best production could do? A Hyatt in Turkey? Really?
-Chris Harrison has the best job in the world. Who wouldn't want to be flown to gorgeous places, get paid for 5 minutes of air time and be a horrible actor while doing so?
-Ali, I will forever have mixed feelings about you.

Thoughts? I just hate to love this show. I really do.

Also? Do not click this link unless you want to be thoroughly entertained/disgusted/told where people are really going on vacay/amused/be notified where I'll be come January.