Jun 30, 2009

Bachelorette Bashing Anyone?

Okay, I lied.

Well. Sort of.

I was having dinner with my mom tonight (just a few minutes ago, actually) and she said that we don't actually know how long Molly has. Nobody does. The surgery would just buy her a year, if that.

Okay, fine. So I misunderstood.

This made me feel a bit better, but it's still that whole unknown thing that gets me. Either way, it just goes to show you (and me) that it could always be worse.

Can you tell I'm feeling just a tad bit better? And that's mainly because of all the support (cough, comments, cough) that you've so kindly bestowed upon me. Seriously, I have such a huge spot in my heart for you, it's kind of ridiculous. In the best way possible.

So, back to our normally scheduled programming.

The Bachelorette. Shall we discuss this? I think we shall.

I mean, anyone who watches reality television knows that it's not all reality and bladdy blah blah. But come on! Do these people actually think we're dumb enough to believe that Jake came back because he's just that perfect? Or that Ed had an epiphany, quit his job and returned? Or that Jillian seriously thinks Wes is a stand up guy?

Okay, maybe Jillian really is that dumb. But we're not. Right?

It was just sort of hard to watch, especially when she sent gorgeous (albeit a bit shark-like) Jess and adorable little Mike home. What an idiot. Sigh...

All I'll say is that if Jillian picks Wes, I'm preparing for a reverse Jason Mesnick kind of thing. You know, a whole "actually Jillian, you really are that stupid because of course I'm still seeing ex-girlfriend Laurel back home!" Peace out Canada.

I don't know. Maybe it's because I work in reality television (well, at least for one more month) that I am so cynical about all this. Or maybe it's because Jillian just bugged me last night. Or maybe it's because the "song" Wes "wrote" for Jillian only has a few words.

Anyone?

Bad News

I realize my posts as of late haven't been the most cheerful, the most optimistic, the most...me.

But life throws you curve balls and bam! You're not so much yourself anymore.

Molly went to a surgeon this morning so we could finally find out what the heck is going on. And here's what is going on, finally.

Even with the surgery (which would require removing her lower jaw), she'd only have a year. Give or take.

As you can probably predict, we're not doing the surgery. What's the point? Molly doesn't know what's wrong, does not feel a thing. At this point - right now - she's her happy little self.

Of course, she will eventually feel what is going on, as the surgeon said it's more likely than not that the growth in her mouth will, well...grow.

My mom called me at work about an hour ago to tell me the news, and I cried. Of course I cried. I just hate that I was crying at work. I've accepted that Molly's life will not last much longer. What I can't accept is any pain she will be in in the future. That literally tears me apart. And we'll have to deal with that if and when it happens. My family and I know this.

I was at my sculpt class last night, and my instructor was telling a story about her dog Lucy and she said, "It's crazy how attached we get to our pets."

Amen.

Oh and PS: This is for my friend Rachel (who had this as her away message: they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!), and anyone else deeply affected by the passing of Billy Mays.


Seriously though. He may have been an extremely obnoxious man on TV, but he was still a person who did not deserve to die so young.

Jun 29, 2009

"Those" Days

Today has been one of "those" days for me. You know, one of those well-of-course-I'm-going-to-catch-up-on-all-my-blogs-but-I-don't-have-the-motivation-to-read-them-word-for-word-because-I'm-in-one-of-"those"-moods days. You know the kind. One of those sorry-fabulous-coworkers-that-keep-me-sane, go-to-Costco-without-me-because-I'm-in-one-of-"those"-moods days.

I know you know.

At any rate, I'm not sure why I'm in one of "these" moods, but I've learned to not even attempt to figure out the reasons for why I feel the way I do. Because it's pretty futile to do so. Just like it's futile to attempt to figure out why Michael Jackson passed away at a mere 50 years old. Sigh...

I had a lovely first week of summer weekend. My mom, Liza and I saw My Sister's Keeper Friday night. While it was really nice spending time with my ladies, I was not at all happy with the movie. I had forgotten that they had changed the ending until Liza kindly reminded me right before the movie started. I went from slightly excited to raging mad because seriously? Why change the ending? Kind of like if it ain't broke, don't fix it kind of deal. I mean, this is Jodi Picoult we're talking about. There's a method to this woman's (brilliant) madness. But the movie is very, very different. Don't worry, I'm not going to give anything away. I'll just say that Cameron Diaz is surprisingly not bad as a mother and the book is a hundred times better than the movie. At least in my opinion. I'm anxiously awaiting Katelin's review of this.

Saturday I worked for a bit, then took a kickboxing class with Liza. Holy sweat, it was intense but I loved it. I think that deep down, so did my sister. When we got home, our wonderful parents were lounging in the pool and they told us to just jump in. So I did, clothes on and all. Liza joined in too and so did Molly.

I know I post this picture a bit more often that I should, but a) I love it and b) this is Molly when she swims.

Went out to dinner with Lauren that night and just hung out at her place, watching Michael Jackson tributes on TV. Sunday was beach day. After working a bit in the morning, Rachel drove to me and we drove my mom's car down to Malibu. We looked ridiculously SoCal in that car with the top down, which is ridiculous in itself since neither of us are actually from California (Rach is from Arizona). We had such a good time and I wish I had taken more pictures. At least I got this one.

Ah, Malibu...just perfect.

Came home, had a nice dinner with the fam and watched Kendra (yes, seriously...it's one of Liza and my things) and then True Blood. What is going on with that bull insect thing? Anyone?

Maybe it's just a case of the Mondays. Maybe it's the fact that my would-be trip to see Derek is coming up on Thursday. I just don't know.

Oh, by the way...that was me rewinding to "that" mood I was telling you about. Sorry. And so much for me not attempting to figure out why I'm feeling this way. Moving on.

I'm very much looking forward to summer. I want to really enjoy summer this year. Do stuff I've been wanting to do but just...haven't. You know...go to the beach often, go out and wear cute summer dresses. That sorta thing.

Sigh...back to work. Hopefully the gym will lift my spirits a bit.

Hope you're all not having a case of the Mondays like me, haha!

Friend Makin' Monday!


Oh, I've really come to love this little weekly tradition started by the lovely Kasey at All That is Good (click here for the rules). She is away right now (and I hope she's having a great time so far!), so Shawn at SERIOUSLY was kind enough to host for her today.

With all of that said, here's my FMM.

What are you doing this July 4th?
Oh boy. Well, originally I was supposed to be with Derek, all happy and enjoying one another since it's been almost 4 months since we last were together. But alas, all of that changed and I'll now be here in California. The silver lining? My coworker Gina invited me to her little shindig at her place and I think I'll go. Generally speaking though, my house is right near the high school. Therefore, we're lucky and can watch the fireworks from my parents' patio. This is fantastic because a) fireworks are fun and b) we can watch them from the comfort of our own home, rather than risk getting trampled on by hyper, firework-loving children and unsuccessfully attempting to find a parking spot. At any rate, looking forward to Gina's partay.

What is your favorite dish to pass when attending a 4th of July party or summer barbecue?
Uh...I plan on bringing a bottle of some sort of alcohol? That's about as far as I go with this sort of thing, seeing as I don't cook. I need to start doing that though.

Do you have any 4th of July traditions?
Aside from fireworks? No. How lame am I today? Very.

Share your favorite July 4th picture.
Okay. So I've just been scouring my Facebook albums for a 4th of July picture and cannot find one! I'm embarrassed and ashamed. But I did find this picture that I uploaded on July 7th of 2007. And since I'm that girl that feels the need to upload her pictures almost immediately after their taken, I figure this photo's a good alternative. So here ya go.


That's me and Lauren in my apartment in college. She came down to visit me and we made Cosmos in my fabulous birthday glasses. Of which I got 2. From 2 different people. My friends know me too well.

Okay, off to read others' posts! Hooray for 4th of July.

Jun 26, 2009

Never Forget

Everyone is saying that even though they know everyone is posting about Michael Jackson's death, they are going to do it too. I say go for it! Each and every thoughtful post is unique and, in my opinion, very appropriate. So if you ask me (which, as always, you didn't)...post away. We didn't just lose a musician/dancer/performer, we lost an icon.

I'll never forget the time I was actually in the same room as Michael Jackson. No, seriously. My family and I took a road trip to Vegas to see Celine Dion in concert and no, I'm not kidding. She is Liza's idol and living only a state away from where she was performing, we had to go. So we did. And let me just tell you, that concert was phenomenal. It was just gorgeous, such a spectacle. But that isn't the point of this post.

Our seats were in the balcony and I overheard that Michael Jackson was at that night's performance. I looked down below at the rest of the ginormous audience and suddenly, I find a head of black hair and a ghostly white face. It was Michael Jackson. I was so overwhelmed and excited and in such awe that I just started to cry. Tears just began streaming down my cheeks as I realized how lucky I was to be in the same vicinity as The King of Pop.

I'll never forget such a legend.

Just as I'll never forget Farrah Fawcett, and how hard she fought for her life.


And I'll never forget Ed McMahon, a man my father was lucky enough to work with and admire.


I'll just never, ever forget.

Jun 25, 2009

Dog Is God Spelled Backwards...Coincidence? I'm So Bizarre Sometimes.

Molly is at the oncologist as we speak with my mom, dad and Liza. Basically, everyone in my family but me. And Emma of course, who is most likely sitting by the back door waiting for her lover to come home.

This stuff is scary. I told my dad (or was it my mom?) the other day that I don't know why we do this to ourselves, why we even bother getting a dog at all. Or why anyone does for that matter. I hate to get all morbid here, but the truth is, it's inevitable that their lives will end (most likely before our own) and we'll be devastated. My uncle just had to put Sadie - his Boxer that he's had for years and years - down yesterday. She had Bell's Palsy, and could no longer blink or move her mouth. Today is his daughter (and my cousin) Madison's first birthday. Life is bittersweet sometimes, isn't it?

In any case, I just hate this. I'm not jumping the gun and saying Molly is nearing the end, I just mean to say that this is all such crap. A dog isn't just a pet; a dog is a family member. And what Molly's dealing with right now is just awful...not for her, but for us! How crazy is that? Crazy.

I know I've probably blogged the heck out of Molly these past few days, but she is what's on my mind right now. This makes me really hope that the people who read my blog are dog lovers, haha.

Speaking of readers, I want to note that I've gotten several more followers in the past few days and I am so very grateful for all of you! I've said it before and I'll say it again: you guys are my backbone in this world, and I appreciate each and every one of you. Seriously.

* 2:21 pm, update *
Just got a call from my dad. The growth in Molly's mouth is cancerous. The doctor took some tests on her lymph nodes and we'll know if those are cancerous on Monday. We have to make some decisions in terms of what to do about this. The doctor said that he predicts we have 1-2 years left with her.

And then I started to cry.

Jun 24, 2009

A Picture Story

Tracy at Then I got to thinking... (aka my blogger sister from another mister) tagged me with this cute little photo game and being the girl who never leaves home without her camera and whose friends always rely on her to document events/nights out/parties/etc. - you know, that girl - I had to take part in this.

Ze rules:
  • Open your first photo folder
  • Scroll down to the 10th photo
  • Post that photo and story on your blog
  • Tag 5 friends to do the same
However, I'm at work and don't have my personal laptop with me and therefore don't have access to my pictures and am too impatient to wait to do this tonight, so I'm going through my Facebook photo albums instead. With that massive run-on sentence said, here's the picture.


Oh my goodness. This was taken on Halloween, sophomore year. That's John on the left (we called him Little John - which was later shortened to just LJ - because he's rather small and there were 2 Johns in my dorm the year before) and Frankie. They're dressed up as Guinness boys and this was taken at either my apartment or theirs...we lived across the street from each other, it was pretty cute. We were getting ready to head to some party, and I remember I dressed up as a nurse. Oy, good times in college.

Okay, tagging time! I'm passing this on to:
These are all great blogs - I encourage you to check 'em out!

In the meantime, I'll be thanking my lucky stars it's the middle of the week. Halfway there!

Jun 23, 2009

Resolutions, Solutions, Delusions - Reprise

So have you guys heard about this Blog Carnival? Here's a quick teaser.

“This post is a part of 20SB’s Looking Back Blog Carnival, and Ben & Jerry’s is awarding free ice cream to lucky bloggers and readers!”

Since my blog hasn't been around all that long (don't hide - I see you blogger veterans!), I don't think I've changed all that much from the post below, nor do I think my writing style has. But it's always fun to read these kinds of things, especially when they're resolutions. With that said, here's my chosen post, entitled "Resolutions, Solutions, Delusions."

And now ladies and gentlemen, what you've all been waiting for. (Some of) Ali's New Year's resolutions (in no particular order)! Drum roll please...
  • Stop cracking my knuckles
  • Worry about things that matter
  • Take Molly and Emma for more walks
  • Write more
  • Aspire to love and accept myself
  • Work out/be an overall healthy person
  • Call Grandma often
  • Save, save, save!
  • Get a (more) mature wardrobe
  • Be productive when possible
  • KIT with those that I love
Those seem pretty reasonable to me. Vee shall see.

As more and more time passes since I graduated from good old college, I become more aware of friendships; how, though it may suck, they take work to...well, work. Of course, there's an easy solution to this, and that's to put in the effort to make these bonds last. Personally, I am not a phone person by any means, but I've found myself sucking it up and picking up that phone to talk to the people I want to talk to. It's important. I used to be one of those people who would let time pass, thinking all the while that it would be just like old times when I got together with a friend. But the truth of the matter is, that's just not the case (at least in my opinion).

Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out so well, and friendships fade, drift apart or just plain end. People change, and if people can't change both separately yet together at the same time, then a problem presents itself. I'm not going to ring around the rosy here. I'm obviously going through a situation along these lines. And it's upsetting. And I can't help but wonder if I'm just delusional in thinking things will all be okay. I have a hard time letting things go, and this is no exception. Like my resolutions, I guess I'll just have to see.

By the way, thanks for reading my venting. It's much appreciated. Really.

Now. Let's recap. I have:
  • stopped cracking my knuckles (more or less)
  • taken Molly and Emma for more walks
  • written more (I blog every day during the week, so I hit this one out of the park!)
  • been working out more and am an overall healthy person (unless there's cheesecake involved of course)
  • called (and continue to call) Grandma a lot more often (about 3x a week)
  • saved and will do so until my job ends (tear)
  • been productive for the most part - ex: I have some writing gigs and while they may not pay a lot (or at all), I'm doing what I'm passionate about and I'd like to think that counts for something
  • called my loved ones (even when I wasn't up to being on the phone) more often, because I know staying connected takes work, especially after college
I have not:
  • been worrying only about things that matter
  • managed to completely aspired to love and accept myself; it's a constant struggle and I'm still working on it, as I assume I'll be doing for the rest of my life
  • gotten a (more) mature wardrobe - that's happening this summer, although it may not be more mature...
So I've done 8 out of 11 so far? I don't think that's so bad.

Onward!

Word Vomit

It might just be a 2 blog post day. This one will most likely be a whole bunch of word vomit.

I can just feel your excitement. Don't try to hide it.

First of all, your comments make my world better. No, seriously. I honestly think I've been getting through things with as little pessimism as possible (save for yesterday, of course) because of you guys. I owe you. So thank you a thousand times over. If you're ever feeling like life just sucks for you and need a pick-me-up, I'm your girl.

The morning started out fairly nicely because I got a deal. And I love a deal. My pal Hungry Girl (if you haven't heard of her, she's kind of a big deal in the healthy eating world and has some pretty rad cookbooks) is pairing up with Vitalicious (they're delicious, seriously) and doing a 2 for 1 deal.

(Oh, and we're not really pals. In fact, I applied to write for her site and never got a reply. Oh well. Still not pals though.)

Anyway, if you're interested in saving some money on good (and healthy) food, head on over here.

I heart OceanDreams, because she's thoughtful, among many other amazing things.


The story behind this gorgeous photo is the following:
I took this photo from my phone on a day when I was really sad and I just needed a pick me up. I was driving and I stuck my phone out the window to snap a picture really quick while I was on the freeway! Talk about seize the moment. Well, let's just say that God really picked me up that day. I looked to the clouds and the sun that was shining through gave me hope that everything would be okay. That is my prayer for you as well, no matter what you might be going through! :)

And then I got this sweet message:
Thanks for being such an amazing person and for demonstrating your caring nature and love for others in our little blog world!

Thank you for brightening my day, lady! I appreciate you and your kind words so much.

I'm not discussing Jon and Kate here. I refuse.

Moving on.

My thoughts and prayers are with the family and friends of Neda, as well as the people involved in the D.C. Metro crash.

In Molly news, the results for her mouth came back "inconclusive." The vet recommended we take her to an oncologist (I know, sometimes I forget she's not a human too). So she has an appointment this Thursday. Again, fingers crossed...

In essence though, Molly's just a real lady. Proof below. Sarcasm intended.


And in Ali's a big lame ass news, I saw the season premiere of The Secret Life of the American Teenager. I think I might be the only one who did so, but who's counting? Anyway, seriously Molly Ringwald? Seriously ABC Family? Your fictional 16 year old daughter just had a baby, and now you're pregnant with your boyfriend's baby? Wow. I mean, yes - she may be pregnant with twins in real life, but to incorporate it into the show? Weird, unrealistic, stupid if you ask me. Totally reminded me of The Father of the Bride, when Annie and her mother Nina were pregnant at the same time. Anyone else remember that? Other than that dumb little plot point, a good premiere in my opinion. But seriously...

I found this jewelry designer and am obsessed with her pieces, this one especially.


Too bad I can't afford it. Sigh...

I missed The Bachelorette last night because I was an old lady and got tired pretty early. All I can say is that I hope Wes was voted off. No spoilers please!

All right, that's all I got for now. My apologies for this mumble jumble of a post. I'll be back, all Terminator style.

Jun 22, 2009

Gotta Love Pessimism

They say bad things come in 3s, right?

I'm pretty sure this is what they say.

Fair enough, let's take inventory. Because I'm just about there. And also just about as pessimistic as I can get. Shame on me.

Things with Derek are done. And while I cannot and will not predict the future, I can say (albeit not easily) that right now, we're better off as friends. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him. I do. But I think I'm better off dating myself right now. Until I find that person who can give me all that I want and think that I deserve. But my point in writing this is to say that ending things with Derek sucked.

Bad thing numero uno.

Yesterday (Father's Day), my family and I took Molly and Emma to the Bark Park, where my dad and I first visited last week. Molly gets ridiculously excited whenever we take her for a walk (or when she even hears the word "walk" for that matter) or in the car, so she was barking and jumping the entire car ride (which totals all of about 10 minutes). When we arrived at the Bark Park, my dad noticed blood all over my dashboard. Upon further inspection, we found out Molly was bleeding from the bottom of her mouth. We took her to the vet, who told us (after poking and prodding my poor baby for a while) that Molly has a growth in her gum. And since Molly's over 6 (she'll be 10 in October), there is a chance that it could be melanoma. My mom and I were not at all prepared to hear this, we just thought our hyper dog had bit her lip. The vet suggested running some tests and letting us know in 24 hours.

Bad thing numero dos.

It'll have been 24 hours by 6:30. As of now, we've learned that Molly's blood came back clean, which is a good sign and means that if (God forbid/knock on wood/insert superstitious gesture here) it is something bad, it was caught early.

Needless to say, I don't want to be at work today. All I want is to be near my dog, who doesn't seem to notice anything wrong. Also a good sign.

I ask only one thing from all of you incredible people: please keep Molly in your thoughts. In case you forgot, this is Molly.


Thanks. And does this mean that a third bad thing is in my near future? I really hope not.

In the meantime, my newly pessimistic self will be anxiously awaiting today's edition of Friend Makin' Mondays.

Until Friend Makin' Monday Begins...

I found these lists on gabby, she wrote. Who found them on Just Playing Pretend. A few degrees of separation later, here are mine.

The Little Engine That Could is my role model, but there are things I can't do
I can't...
*whistle
*completely accept my body
*do that whole in-between thing with guys
*add or subtract in my head
*be on the elliptical without something to read
*understand people who need to be around people all the time

But I can...
*make people laugh
*juggle
*type really quickly
*sing
*adapt ridiculously well
*never turn down cheesecake

I'd like to think I'm adventurous and open-minded, but there are things I won't do
I won't...
*cheat on a boyfriend
*miss an episode of True Blood
*put a guy before my friends
*spend tons of money on a designer anything
*give up sushi
*support anti-gay rights

But I will...
*travel Europe
*spot someone if they don't have enough money
*find that person that I'm supposed to be with
*get my own apartment
*write for the rest of my life
*make up ridiculous dances and songs with Liza

This may be hard to believe, but sometimes I do things I shouldn't
I shouldn't...
*worry all the damn time
*be on my phone when I'm driving
*let my paints and canvases just sit there waiting to be used
*get uncomfortable when weight issues are discussed around me
*be a bit of a hypochondriac
*leave my CDs unprotected and prone to getting scratched

And I should...
*take more chances
*be more selfish
*eat more vegetables
*pray more
*love myself
*not feel guilty for lazing around sometimes

...and you?

Jun 21, 2009

Mad-io For Dad-io

Life's not always easy, and times are not always smooth sailin'...

But when you have a dad like this?


You're pretty damn blessed.

A Little Girl Needs Daddy

A little girl needs Daddy
For many, many things:
Like holding her high off the ground
Where the sunlight sings!
Like being the deep music
That tells her all is right
When she awakens frantic with
The terrors of the night.

Like being the great mountain
That rises in her heart
And shows her how she might get home
When all else falls apart.

Like giving her the love
That is her sea and air,
So diving deep or soaring high
She'll always find him there.
-Anonymous

Happy Father's Day Daddy.
I love you.

Jun 19, 2009

Friday

It's officially Friday.

How do I know this?

Because this is how I feel about work right now.


On second thought, more like this.


Nope, I lied. I feel like this and that's that.


Happy Friday! It'll be Happy Hour Friday in an hour.

Thank Allah.

Q&A and Some Very True Words

Miss Fidgeting Gidget started this little Q&A and I had to get in on it. So here are her questions, my answers.

1) What do you consider to be your biggest accomplishment?
Oh, tough one! Hm...I would say my biggest accomplishment was graduating with a double major in 4 years. I walked in with big dreams of becoming a Broadway actress (Drama major), got hit with a major reality check and reignited my passion for writing (Journalism major). For some reason, I felt the need to rush through it all and complete it in 4 years so that I could dive headfirst into the horrible job market. So yes, that was my biggest accomplishment in my life (thus far!).

2) If you see someone with their skirt tucked into the back of their underwear or something unsightly hanging out of their nose, do you tell them, or let it go?
Without a doubt, I tell them! Because seriously, a) I would bet big money on the fact that nobody would ever purposely do this to themselves and b) I'd want to know too! Easy.

3) What is your FAVORITE thing about blogging? You can only pick one.
Just one? Oy. Okay, my favorite thing is comments (I know, how cliche can you get right?). They encourage me, inspire me and reassure me that what I'm writing is having some sort of influence on someone in one way or another. Or they just feel bad for me. But I'll take that too, just for the love of comments.

4) If you could visit anywhere in the world today that you've never been, where would you go?
Israel. Done and done.

5) You're having a dinner party. You can invite five people, alive or dead. Who's sitting around your table?
Okay, fun. 5 people. Definitely Judy Garland and James Dean. As for the other 3...I'm going to go with John Krasinski (it would be my only chance to convince him that we are in fact meant for each other), Edward Cullen (we can do fictional characters with a bit of dead and alive, right?) and Reese Witherspoon. That would make for an interesting dynamic, wouldn't it?

I just love those questions, thanks Gidget! On another note, I read this post by Chelsea over at Chelsea Talks Smack (one of my first friends on 20 Something Bloggers, wee) and am officially obsessed with her words, which are the following:

"Baby, this is the time of our life when we'll look back and be like, 'remember when we had wild crazy sex and no cares in the world....."
My Love says as we're both walking barefoot outside in downtown Denver, carelessly asking the to universe to give us a crack needle to accidentally step on.

"Yeah, when we didn't have to worry about little sticky children coming into our room in the middle of the night being like, 'Daddy why are you hurting Mommy?? When we don't have to worry about making too much noise, or screaming too wildly- now, it just kind of makes or neighbors jealous. Which isn't horrible, it's awesome."

Sigh. "These are the good days."

These are the days when it's still acceptable to call Top Ramen a "meal" every now and again and to call Momma when I don't know how long to bake chicken? When old friends aren't so old that they couldn't become "new" friends again, with a little mending. These are the times when we toe the line of irresponsibility, occasionally falling off course, but it's still okay. When it's OK to smoke strawberry flavored hookah until 10pm and have sex for breakfast.

These are the days when my skin is still taut and supple, my knees don't crack and my back doesn't hurt. My body is quick and strong, able, firm and resilient. These are the days when there's nothing a cup of coffee or a glass of Cabernet can't cure.

When I'm still rambunctious and hopeful. When my emotions don't simmer but they boil and my energy is sparkling. When I've been wounded just enough and jaded just enough to make me smart, but not bitter. These are the days when time feels like its on "our watch." When we're brave enough to throw ourselves into the lions den, and even with the lack of skill to actually fight a lion, we run at him with our bare hands anyway, because we're fearless in just the right times. (Figuratively speaking of course....unless you want to get your face ripped off.)

These are the days when we're creating our "smile lines" that one day, we'll look at bittersweet and remember when our faces we smooth, porcelain, unsullied. These are the days when it isn't depressing to eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's alone in the dark.

When I'm still lusting, while being in love. When I'm still naive, while having lived enough to be savvy. When I'm still open, while standing for what I believe.

These are the days when we still have the freedom. We have options and possibilities, wide open doors and the moxie to walk through every single one of them, no matter what the fuck is on the other side; angry bosses, wild boars, strippers, the love of your life, or your dream come true.

.....and most importantly, for many of us, these are the days when we can still have screaming-hair pulling-wild sex...without waking up the kids.

I know. She's brilliant.

Jun 18, 2009

Award Time

Awards always make me happy, but especially when I'm feeling kinda crappy.

And no, I didn't mean to rhyme just now.

At any rate, I am so happy and grateful for these little awards.

I got a personal favorite from gabby, she wrote.


Passing the torch to Life of a Valley Girl, Year of My Fake Engagement and Sassy Little Ginger.

I received the Keepsake Blog Award from the lovely smile steady.

Here are the rules:
  • Post a funny or sweet keepsake that says something about who I am.
  • Pass it on!
Here's my keepsake.


That's Drew and I at...well, somewhere. It's strange - I vividly remember those overalls (and how much I loved them, can you believe it?), but not the location of this picture. But it doesn't surprise me in the least that there's food involved here. That was (and still is) one of our favorite things to do together: eat.

Okay, now...passin' it along! To Gingerella, Ocean Dreams and Tudor City Girl.

One of my blog crushes, Fidgeting Gidget, bestowed the Friendship Award upon me. And I'm throwing this one over to Self-indulgent Ramblings, The Adventures of Fidget Midget (not to be confused with Fidgeting Gidget!) and just a small town girl.

I am so grateful for all of you. Seriously don't know what I'd do without your blogs. Thank you.

Jun 17, 2009

That Whole Gut Thing...


Kellie showed me this quote (from The Novelista Barista) and it just really hit home for me, especially right now. Kellie, you're too good to me.

Since this blog has become my outlet/therapy/journal/happy place, I felt it best to just get it all out here. So here goes.

2 Octobers ago, I met a guy named *Derek. I was visiting a friend out in *New Mexico when I met him, and I was into him from the moment I laid eyes on him. He was with someone at the time, so I sighed and chalked it up to that whole "such is life" motto.

But I couldn't stop thinking about him once I got back from my trip. And through my friend (who had already known him), I found out that apparently he couldn't either. So after hearing that he was recently single, I threw caution to the wind and called him. We played phone tag for a bit before we finally got in touch but once we did, we connected surprisingly well. We began communicating frequently, and I booked another trip out to "see my friend" but also to see Derek.

From that point on, I was hooked. We hit it off immediately and got very close. Then I had to leave and I got sad. He said he couldn't do long distance, and I respected that. But we both agreed that there was something between us that we simply could not ignore. So we didn't ignore it.

Instead, we carried on talking, texting, calling. In a nutshell, we became attached.

Derek finally came out to visit me that summer for a few days and we had a great time. I then went out to visit him in October. It was the same vicious cycle: we were a couple for the length of our stays to see one another, then got sad and continued on being the way we were. We were both open to seeing other people since we didn't want to hold the other one back. And I did see a few people, but nothing worked out.

Derek and I are different in several ways. He's more introverted, I'm more of an extrovert. I'm much more emotional (which could also stem from the fact that I am a major girl), and found myself frustrated when he didn't follow suit. I so wanted a relationship, while he knew himself well enough to know that he just couldn't and wouldn't put himself in a long distance situation.

All of this took a toll on me a few months ago and I called it off with Derek, telling him we just needed to be friends. That didn't last very long, and before I knew it he was out here visiting me. This was probably the best visit we'd ever had, for a few reasons. First, I had accepted our situation more and was therefore not as emotional as I had been in the past. Instead, I took us for what we were and enjoyed our time together. Second, we did so much - wine tasting in Santa Barbara, dinner with my family (for the first time), out in LA, etc. It was fantastic. When Derek left, I was sad but not broken.

Then I got frustrated again. I wanted more than I was receiving. I couldn't blame Derek because he was not my boyfriend and as a result, didn't owe me any boyfriend anything. But I was ready for a relationship. So much to give, so much to offer...so much. I was nuts about him, but that didn't seem to be enough for us. Nothing was going to change between us in the near future, and I realized I had to either continue on or move on.

Backtracking a bit, I had booked a trip to visit Derek this 4th of July weekend. I came to my realization yesterday (good timing, Ali) and had to make a decision. If I went to visit Derek, we'd do our typical dance: be together, then "break up" when I left. We'd both remain exactly where we were.

I know now that I can't do that dance anymore.

After an email from me and our talk yesterday, I've decided not to go visit. I'd been looking forward to it for a while, and now I'm not going. I'm disappointed (as I am sure he is), I'm sad and I'm tired.

I almost wish that Derek had done something terrible to me. Something that would give me a reason to hate him and want to put this all behind me. But he never did anything remotely close to that. He told me yesterday that his attempts at minimizing any potential hurt I would endure were translated by me as him being insensitive and not giving me what I wanted. I appreciate knowing this now, but I just don't think it's enough right now.

So I'm going with my gut and not going to visit him. Is this what I want? Absolutely not. Is this what I need? Right now, I think so.

*Names and places have been changed to protect the good and innocent.

Jun 16, 2009

Weekend. And My Gut.

I'm going to start on a happy note first.

My weekend was lovely, how was yours?

Sofia and I had a fantastic Happy Hour ($2.95 appetizers? Yes please.) I worked a bit on Saturday and relaxed until Liza, my dad and I had a great dinner together that night. I worked a bit on Sunday, then had lunch and saw Away We Go with my friend Lauren. Such a wonderful movie (Maya Rudolph can play one heck of a leading lady, I never knew!) and it certainly didn't decrease my John Krasinski obsession.


After that, we took Molly and Emma to the Bark Park (yes, it really is called the Bark Park). They haven't been in forever, so they were really excited in my car (which is now filled to the brim with fur).

Emma was her typical reserved self at first and ran right back to the entrance gate.


And Molly was, well...Molly.


The cutest part was that there were around 12 or so dogs playing at the Bark Park (sorry, I just loving saying Bark Park), and my ladies stuck together the whole time.


My dad and I had a really nice dinner. Forgive the poor picture quality, this was taken with my trusty little BlackBerry.


Then I capped off the weekend with the season premiere of TRUE BLOOD. I am obsessed. Loved the premiere (though Ms. Paquin's acting was a bit lame at some points for me), love the show, blah blah blah. Just...love it. Like I said, a lovely weekend.

And now I'm conflicted. I'm conflicted and I'm on the brink of being sad, though not yet. I really don't know what else to say, except for the fact that I think I need to go with my gut here.

We'll just have to wait and see.

Jun 15, 2009

I Confess...

So I found this lovely little blog, All That is Good, which has this lovely little tradition called Friend Makin' Mondays. I consider myself a very friendly person so I figured, why not? The rules are here, and this week's topic is confessions of any kind. So here goes...

1) I love What I Like About You. You know, that show with Amanda Bynes and Jennie Garth that's aimed at teenagers? Yeah. That one. I record it...and I watch it. And I'm not a teenager.
2) I wait until the very last minute (last minute = I have no choice but to walk into work naked) to do my laundry. And every time this happens, I tell myself this won't happen again. And then it does.
3) I have trust issues, more so with friends than guys. Which I find weird.
4) I sample frozen yogurt flavors with absolutely no intention of getting said flavor. I just want some free yogurt. How's that for recession proofing your dessert?
5) I lend my sister my ID when she needs it (we look a lot alike in my picture), but she never gets carded. And I always do.

Ah, that was carthartic.

Got any confessions? Care to share?

Jun 14, 2009

A Letter To Myself

In my senior year of high school, my English teacher had us all write letters to ourselves about where we picture our lives in 5 years. She kept them and told us she'd mail them out in exactly 5 years from the day we wrote them. I received mine a week or so ago, and here it is.

5-28-04
Dear ME, Alison B. Dubrow

Well, this certainly is strange/cool/weird/surreal! I gotta give Ms. Goodheart credit for such an awesome idea. I'm sure that in five years I'll be thinking what a loser I was (and probably still am) for using so many different colors. As David would say, he[comma]he. :) Wow. Last night was the Theatre Arts Banquet (Best Ensemble Member - MMN! - haha), and wow, what an emotional night...for all of us. I guess it's ok to talk about how far I've come in just 2 years. To think that just about 24 months ago, I was a scared 16 year old with not a single friend in the state of California. And now, here I am, part of an unbelievable group of people I am blesed to call my friends. These people ARE the reason I call this place my home. My mom's right: we DID come here for a reason. Many reasons. What's so bittersweet about it all is that I feel that I have just begun a new life, and now I must once again do what I did only months ago - begin a new, but more independent journey. And what a journey I am sure it will be! Here are just a few things I am hoping to do with my life...
* Be on BROADWAY, see my name in lights.

I then left for New York, then returned and wrote the following, starting with "Oops, then I left for NY!" in the margin...

6-6-04
SO.
A few things before I wrap this up...
Songs --> The Reason - Hoobastank
Defying Gravity - Wicked
Cavanaugh Park - Something Corporate

(I want to write more, but I'll write forever!)

TV --> Sex & the City (off!)
Friends (off!)
Dawson's Creek (off!)
The OC (season 1 done!)
Movies --> WS's Romeo & Juliet
Now & Then
Life As a House

Wow. I just remembered that I have to finish this letter up! I just got back from New York. What a great way to end this letter - returning from where I began. Interesting...

I wanted to make this all creative and such. Perhaps this is the way it's supposed to be. MY thoughts, MY feelings, MY way of doing it all...

At this time, right now, in my life:
* I will be attending UC Irvine in September
* I am graduating in 4 days.
* I have an amazing boyfriend, David.
* My grandma will be here in 3 days!
* I have an unbelievable family, and friends.

Later on, 5 years from now...
* I want to live in an apartment in NYC
* I want to be on Broadway.
* I want to be in love, but who doesn't?

We'll just have to wait and see. :)

* Ali

Jun 13, 2009

Priorities

I've been up since 5:30 this morning.

Gotta love it!

Took my mom to the airport (she's off to visit her parents for a few days), hence the whole early waking up thang. Worked my second job for a few hours. Was supposed to go look at an apartment after, but found out that tomorrow works better, so I took a nap instead. Then the personal trainer had to cancel (to take his daughter to her first dance recital, so I couldn't get mad).

Such a Saturday.

Here's something fun I found over at Somewhere In Between.

25 Things You Might Want To Know About...Me...

1. Inside my purse, you’ll discover: my Blackberry, at least 2 pairs of sunglasses (I've been known to lose a pair every other day), my wallet, camera, chapstick, lock (for the gym lockers), gym membership card, key card (for work), gum, a water bottle, a pen...I could go on and on!
2. My secret talent is: juggling. Random? Yes. Kind of cool? Maybe?
3. If stranded on an island, the five things I couldn't live without would be: my phone (provided I got service), my laptop (provided I got internet), sunglasses, Drew and one stiff cocktail.
4. On my nightstand you’ll find: magazines, my journal, Planet Earth and Love, Rosie (current book I'm reading).
5. When I grew up, I wanted to be: a Broadway actress.
6. My worst job: never existed. No, seriously. I just thought about it and realized how lucky I've been. What an annoying answer.
7. My comfort food is:
without a doubt - cheesecake.
8. The location where I write is: wherever I am when I'm in the mood to write. Generally, that is my room.
9. Three songs on my iPod’s most played list are: I Am the One (Next to Normal), Only You (Josh Kelley) and Better Together (Jack Johnson).
10. If I was on the cover of US Weekly, my headline would read: Girl Thinks True Blood's V Is Real, Loses Mind After Discovering It's Just a Show
11. The three books that make me think of my childhood are: James and the Giant Peach, Roger Red Hat and The Boxcar Children.
12. My favorite chick flick is: Now and Then.
13. My favorite chick lit book is: Good In Bed by Jennifer Weiner.
14. My “must see” TV show is: True Blood!
15. My Starbucks order is: a tall skinny hazelnut latte.
16. My favorite curse word is: all of 'em. Oops.
17. My celebrity man crush is: Bradley Cooper (at least right now).
18. My celebrity girl crush is: Kate Winslet.
19. My writer blog crush is: The Pioneer Woman.
20. My last meal before execution would be: sushi, cheesecake and wine. Quite the random combo, I'm aware.
21. Three words to summarize my book blog are: candid, random and passionate.
22. It took me _____ to write my book. N/A...yet...
23. My book’s original title was: (see above)
24. Right now, I’m working on: doing my laundry, writing this article and (always working on) myself.
25. Chick lit is alive & kicking because: love and fabulous women never go out of style.

I was supposed to go out dancing tonight, but life just kind of caught up with me and I realized I (finally, at long last!) have a deadline and I had to prioritize. Ah, I'm such a big girl.

I generally feel/look something like this when I have to handle things in any sort of adult way.


Molly just gets it.

Jun 12, 2009

Grateful

Fri.day.

Fan.tastic.

A few things I'm grateful for, today and every day...

1) This guy.



He probably won't like that I'm putting this picture up because of one or both of the following:
a) His face is a tad orange.
b) His neck is not visible (this is generally the case, as his head is rather large).

But regardless, my dad is the best. And times are kind of rough right now, but he's still truckin'. And I admire him so much for that and so many other things. Love my daddy.

2) Caffeine. Because how would I get through work without it?



(And no, I'm not addicted. It's a lifestyle choice. Plus, I'm from New York. It's kind of in my blood, you know?)

3) This dress. But more importantly, I'm grateful for its price - $11.50! I don't see why it needs to be so short though. From Forever 21.


4) This incredible documentary.



Because our world never ceases to absolutely amaze me. And I fall asleep to this many nights. Weird? Maybe. Oh well.

5) Unconditional love from these ladies.



I plan on sneaking a picture of M and E in here every so often (read: every day). Hope you don't mind...

Oh! And I just remembered.

6) This soundtrack.



Ever since I saw the Tony Awards this past Sunday and saw a performance from this show, I have been nothing short of hooked. I haven't been this in love with a Broadway soundtrack in forever, and I get chills listening to so many of the songs. And it certainly doesn't hurt that the director of this show is the same person who did RENT. This show makes me miss musical theatre, and that's saying something.

What are you grateful for, today and every day?

Jun 11, 2009

Cupcakes and Puppies

First off, I forgot to mention that Kellie (aka Santa) did it again yesterday and brought in mini cupcakes that she baked. See how small and adorable?


Not only is Kellie Santa, but I've started to think that she's also somewhat of a psychic. You see, driving to work yesterday, I found myself thinking about how nice a cupcake would be. And poof! A cupcake.

See what I mean?

And speaking of food - but not to toot my own horn or anything, I'm just a little giddy about it - you are reading the blog of the new LA Vegetarian Restaurants Examiner on Examiner.com! I'm very excited to be a part of this team, and even more excited to start learning about great vegetarian eats and report back to everyone. Stay tuned!

Liza and I found some old pictures of Molly and Emma when they were small (well, when Emma was small...Molly, not so much). Here's my favorite.

Can. Not. Take. The. Cuteness.

I'll leave you with that for now, since work calls.

Happy almost Friday!

Jun 10, 2009

(Too) Sensitive

Is it just me, or are girls just born with a bigger sensitivity chip?

I specifically remember a Jennifer Aniston quote. She said it right on the heels of Brad and Angelina first getting together and doing this photo shoot.


Remember that? That must've hurt Ms. Aniston like a bitch. And she let us all know just how upset she was when she said (about Brad, of course), "There's a sensitivity chip that's missing."

Not to back up Brad or anything - I think what he supposedly did (if he did it at all) is not okay. However, it is my current belief that men are just born more insensitive than women. I mean, think about it. How many times do you hear women being told by their boyfriends that they're overanalyzing, thinking too much and/or overreacting?

Maybe we're not doing any of those things. Maybe the guys just need to learn to hang out on our emotional playing field for a bit. I think that if they did, we wouldn't be so crazy to them anymore.

But like I said before, maybe that's just me.

Jun 9, 2009

Comments Make My World Go Round

So since this little blog 'o mine has started to get more followers (which makes me so unbelievable happy I cannot even begin to tell you, so I won't), I've been wanting to reply to any and all comments I receive. So that's exactly what I've begun doing, starting with yesterday's post. So if you're interested, feel free to come on back. Because I read (and cherish) every single comment, and love 'em all so much.

I had some weird dreams last night. I rarely remember my dreams, but I can sort of recall last night's. I was at (what I think was) a bowling alley and learned that a good friend of mine had invited everyone out but me. And I was so hurt and yelled at her and just was an overall mess because of it. Now, I know without a doubt where this dream came from. Like I've discussed before, I've been having some trust/loyalty issues with a friend. And I know that this dream was my subconscious's way of telling me that I'm still having said trust/loyalty issues with said person. Boo.

The other dream is a bit blurrier, but I can remember putting a friend in their place for being too caught up with certain things. That's as far as I want to go with that one. But again, my subconsciousness and consciousness are pretty much on the same page. Which is a good thing, I suppose?

My fantabulous blogger girlfriend Lizzy posted this great idea on her blog, so I'm following suit because I thought it was such a lovely idea.

"Learn four new things everyday: something about yourself, something about the people you love, something about the world and something about a stranger."

About myself: I catastrophize things in my head. It's not a good place to let yourself get to, just trust me on that.
About the people I love: The particular love from this group of people is unconditional.
About the world: More often than not, the world is merciless. I know it's a sad statement, but in my opinion, it's the truth. I know this can be changed, and I hope we work together to make that change.
About a stranger: Some people - like a certain truck driver on the 101 - have Egyptian statues on their flatbeds. You just have to accept this.

In an effort to help change this merciless world we live in, I found this petition to help journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling get out of North Korea. And while it may not free them, it certainly doesn't help to show your support by signing it.

On a bit of a brighter note, I found this photo when I was visiting my grandma in New York a few weeks ago and fortunately, she let me take it home with me.


That's my dad on the left (it's scary how much we look alike), my grandma (pregnant with my aunt and absolutely stunning, don't you think?) and my uncle Louis (but we call him Yashu, don't ask).

I wish I had more of these photos. They're so special.

Jun 8, 2009

Tony Tony Tony

Anyone watch the Tonys last night?

Wow. I must say...wow. And therefore, I must recap.

Every year, I look forward to these awards shows. And every year, I am let down. Generally, I turn off the TV thinking something along the lines of, 'what was that?!' And, being the daughter of a TV guru, I'm also left wondering who the hell put that director in charge.

This year, I was very pleasantly surprised. And then blown away.

Neil Patrick Harris is just freaking adorable. As a host, he was even cuter. He has that...thing. You know, that quality that makes him likable and entertaining, without overdoing it. I was very pleased with this (sadly gay) man hosting.

The opening was amazing. Elton John began solo onstage, followed by a number from Billy Elliot (his musical). Then came West Side Story (one of my all time favorite musicals), Guys & Dolls, Rock of Ages (why hello Brett Michaels, who I heard got hurt), Next to Normal (this looks incredible and raw and all that good stuff), Pal Joey (featuring a somewhat tone deaf Stockard Channing, which was fine because it's Stockard Channing), Shrek, 9 to 5 (hello, Dolly!), a typical crazy Liza and finally...HAIR.

Oh screw it. Just watch the orgasmic perfection here.

I was really excited this year, because an old friend and UCI alum - the beautiful and lovely Allison Case - is currently in Hair. It was surreal to be able to say that I know someone performing at the Tony Awards.

My dad and Liza were lucky enough to see Hair on Broadway and could not stop raving about it. Needless to say, I was dying to see them perform last night.

Verdict?

There really are no words. Best Revival of a Musical indeed. Now I need to actually see the show.

Liza and I had to stop watching after Hair won the Tony (we recorded it, we're not that crazy), because the series premiere of Kendra was on and let's face it...we hate to love Kendra.

Oh boy. Why are E! shows so ridiculously entertaining, even when the star of one of their shows is straddling a stripper pole and bitching about having no groceries in her mansion of a house?

I'll never know. But we're comin' back next Sunday for more.

Today marks my parents' 25th wedding anniversary. 25, can you believe that? A friend informed me that that means they've reached silver (and no, my friend is not 85 years old). Not too shabby. Liza and I are very impressed.

June gloom is making me tired. And it's supposed to last all week. Lovely.

Pictures and fun stuff like that soon to come.

How were your weekends? Spill.

Oh! And last night I began the official countdown of my current obsession: True Blood. I am dying (pun intended) of excitement and anticipation.

Jun 6, 2009

It's Oh So Quiet...

Points to anyone who can name that song.

Today is Saturday. And as we speak, I am at work.

Ah, the good life.

Hope all of your weekends are going wonderfully so far. Mine will soon, I hope!

Dinner last night was fun. I'd never had tamales, so I decided to take the plunge and order those bad boys. Whoa, way too delicious. Sweet and satisfying. I have a new favorite food.

After a great dinner and two pitchers of margaritas, the 5 of us headed to the birthday girl's sister's apartment in Santa Monica (which is adorable, by the way...more apartment envy!). We then walked to The Parlor, a bar. The weirdest thing was, it was ridiculously empty and it was past 11. Even stranger was the upstairs area, where you could literally hear a pin drop. It was so quiet! I don't know what it was, but we didn't last there long. Regardless, it was very nice night.

Speaking of pins dropping, it is dead in the office. And I haven't had nearly enough coffee to last much longer.

Sigh...

Jun 5, 2009

Friday Shmiday

Hello all you perfect, fabulous people.

Although it's Friday, it's totally been one of "those" days.

You know what I mean.

Issues with work, rain and stuff (otherwise known as June Gloom and resulting in me - and pretty much every other person in SoCal - yearning for my bed). Just overall bleghness.

You get it.

I did, however, have a great lunch with my wonderful coworkers. We went to The Counter. This place lets you custom build your burger. Too cool. I got a veggie burger and it was pretty delicious, but what made me ecstatic were the sweet potato fries.

I love sweet potato fries.

While waiting for our order to be ready, we killed time in this store called Razzle Dazzle. It's basically a fairytale land full of cupcakes, fairies and happiness. I didn't want to leave. But alas, I did. Sigh...

Today's my friend's 23rd birthday, so a few of us are heading out for good Mexican food and good times. I have to work tomorrow which is kind of lame for a Saturday, but what can you do?

Goodness gracious, working on a diet show just makes for too much diet talk sometimes. I am a girl, so of course I have some issues with my body. But I don't want any more, thank you very much!

Anyone love Marilyn Monroe like me? I am just in love with her these days, especially after finding this little gem (where this photo's from).


To blowing bubbles and lookin' damn sexy while doing it!

Jun 4, 2009

Santa, SVU and Lola

So my dear friend Kellie has been playing Santa these past couple of days.

First, I walk into work yesterday to a cupcake on my otherwise drab lookin' desk. Yum-o.

This morning, I walk into work to a slice of cookie pie/cake on my otherwise drab lookin' desk.

She does these things. Just 'cause. This makes Kellie a Santa of sorts. And we (my coworkers and I) love her for it. I mean, we love her for her of course but -

Well, you get my point.

Does anyone watch SVU? As in Law and Order: SVU? If so...

Warning: SPOILER ALERT!

The season finale...whoa. I watched it last night and it just blew my mind. Though I must say, I was suspicious of Stuckey from the moment he was introduced into the show. I mean, why throw a character so comedic and distinct out of nowhere? Well, they didn't just throw him in out of nowhere...he was a psycho all along!

Well done, writers. Well done.

That whole 'slice Stabler! Slice some more! Ouch! Eek! Screw you, you crazy bastard and let me out of here so I can go love on my hottie of a crime partner!' scene was intense. My sister was all, "tell me when it's over!" and I was all, "Liza, open your eyes! You're missing this!"

Too good. But the question still remains: will Benson and Stabler return, despite their salaries remaining low (well, low for actors anyway)?

Dun dun dun...

Heading to a fabulous happy hour at the fabulous Lola's with my fabulous Rachey after work tonight. I'm very excited, because I love her and I love Lola's. Please pray to the no traffic gods for there to...be no traffic on my way there? Thanks.

How is everyone doing today? What did you do today?

If I Were a Bag Lady...

(photo credit: Kat Macleod)

...this is exactly what I'd look like.

Jun 3, 2009

More Honesty

I enjoy honesty. Which is why I'm about to be honest and share 10 things about me. Ready? Okay.
  1. I collect the 100% Guilt-Free pages in Glamour. You know, the ones that have a giant header that says, "Hey, it's OK!" and then have a bulleted list of things that one shouldn't feel bad about doing. Example: Hey, it's OK! ...to order the only wine you can pronounce.
  2. If I eat something even slightly unhealthy, I feel the need to work it off at the gym and if I don't, I feel really guilty. Which should probably take me to #1...
  3. I think I may be the only person in the world who hates watermelon. I'm being dramatic of course, but it is a pretty popular fruit.
  4. I feel the most at home in New York City. Preferably with Drew.
  5. I really miss someone in Colorado right now. Clearly, I'm talking about a guy.
  6. I will not feel satisfied until I travel. I just haven't seen nearly enough of the world yet.
  7. Like every other girl right now, I have a serious thing for vampires. It's a problem.
  8. I never go anywhere without my camera.
  9. Flaky people make me mad.
  10. The roses below (from my backyard) make me very happy.


Hope everyone's having a fantastic Hump Day!

(Sorry, I just like saying Hump Day. I'm normal like that.)

I Remembered

I was in the car on my way to work this morning when a song came on the radio.

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"

It all came rushing back. I remembered.

He lied to me.

"I don't want a relationship right now. It has nothing to do with you. I can't be with anyone."

Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

I trusted her. We lived together. She wouldn't do this to me if she promised not to.

How naive could I have been?

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

I hadn't ever felt as broken as I did that day. Lies. All lies. From day one to that day, I was tricked. Deceived. Broken.

May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

"What's the problem?" she asked. "You're over it, what's wrong with us being together?"

That wasn't the point. It was never the point. The point was missing. She missed it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

"Why do you care anymore anyway? You're happy, you have someone."

Get out. Eff you. Slam. Tears.

I don't have someone anymore. Gone. Never to be seen again.

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

How did this happen? Why me? How did I not see this?

Because when you love, you're blind. Completely, utterly...blind.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

I was in the car on my way to work this morning when this song came on the radio.

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

And I remembered.

Jun 2, 2009

When Did I Become All Martha Stewart...ish?

(photo credit: Daydream Lily)

Before I even start rambling, I have to say thank you to the many fabulous ladies at SITS for their warm welcomes. You're all so sweet and made me feel warm and fuzzy. So thank you!

Also, I must express my appreciation for the millions and millions (har har) of people who read this blog and offer their support and words of wisdom. I don't know if you are aware of just how much this blogging community means to me, and it's a community because of you incredible ladies (possibly a gent or two in there?). So this is me. Saying thank you.

Now, onto much more (un)important things...

I missed The Bachelorette last night. My sister and I have made it a point to watch it together, and she was out. So I remained my loyal little self and didn't watch it and as a result, have been avoiding any and all blogs that discuss it (no offense).

I am so ready to get my own place. The catch? I have to be able to afford it. The other catch? I live in LA, thus making the whole affordable thing pretty tricky. Needless to say, it's a frustrating situation. What's even more frustrating is the fact that I am suddenly very into decorations and making that little apartment in my head pretty and happy and all that good stuff. The catch/keywords? In my head. I want to be an independent woman and more than that, I want to be an independent woman who has a cute apartment!

Enter this site.

If you're bored, feel more than free to tell me your favorite ones...though I think it'll be hard to choose just a few because they're all just so adorable. Scratch that...I know it'll be hard because I chose my favorites and it wasn't easy.



It's a fun way to pass the time and live vicariously through the apartment lover in me.

Not sure if that last part made sense but it did to me.

In other and rather bizarre news, I heard on the radio today that a Twilight cruise will set sail in August of 2010. Oh that's right folks, you read correctly. A cruise. Not exactly sure how I feel about this yet, but I'm going with weirded out right now.

Anyone?